I have a colleague who actually behaves in a way that I recognized right away. It is something I used to do a lot; talking like I was a burden on others, like the time people spent with me was time lost for them.
It takes finding out a root cause to stop this. Me, I’m a perfectionist. This manifests through me being a people pleaser: I hold myself to really high social standards and expect others to also set the bar high for me. I really don’t like it when people are disappointed by my actions, so that causes me to apologize more than necessary.
I’ve taken stock of my life the last six months and made a lot of progress on this front.
The best thing she can do to change her behavior is acknowledging she has an issue to begin with. As long is she is happy with her current behavior and you are not, the only thing you can do is explore why she feels the need to be like this and see if she can alter her behavior without distancing herself from who she is.
It’s difficult to say, really. It’s a form of acceptance. Accepting that you are who you are, taking things at face value rather than second-guessing everything you hear. I’ve got a decent head on my shoulders and feel more confident in my own abilities.
It wasn’t until I decided to call in sick from work last September. It was not a great winter to get through and taking a long, hard look at myself, my environment and my past was a very painful process.
I’ve been pretty aware of the fact that I was in need of psychological help since somewhere around 2018. Since then I’ve taken one step, in 2018, but didn’t follow through. I muddled my way through my last year of college, graduated, worked at a small publisher for about 3 years before moving to my current employer, moved, had a lot of personal stuff going on…
The step I took last September, to basically hit the brakes, was a turning point for me. But it took until the end of February to actually feel like I was on my way back up.
So in short: it’s pretty much all about confidence. Once you’ve accepted yourself for who you are, you’ll no longer feel like a burden to others. You’ll most likely also realize that people don’t often judge you without telling you stuff. After you’ve had an interaction, there is no need to wonder ‘oh I wonder what they’ll think of me, what will they think of me saying this or that’. Your overthinking will slow down a bit.
Couple of caveats: