I’ll have to read this some other time when I’m feeling a little smarter and can understand the words. But I do love some home made fruit fly traps! When there’s a teenager in the house and it’s warm outside, they are a miracle.

Instead of: “They’re a disgusting troglodyte” Say: They are clearly ingenious enough to recognize the utility of having a stable living environment to retreat to for protection that’s superior to any structure they could possibly build using the technology and techniques available to them at the time.

Ssssssweety, are you losing weight because you look so sssssssskinny.

And if it weren’t for that fucking asshole fish, I wouldn’t have to sell feet pics and host an Only Fans to pay my student loans.

I love, love, love, love, love hognose snakes!

I was a young kid the first time I encountered one in the wild. The hognose lifted the front half of its body off the ground, flattened its neck, and hissed at me like a cobra when I got a little too close. I was the type of kid who just HAD to catch them all, and I knew for sure it couldn’t be a cobra, so I persisted. Then the snake rolled over on its back, opened its mouth, stuck its tongue out, and slobbered in an ill fated attempt to appear dead. It was so “dead” that when I rolled it back upright, it immediately rolled over on its back again. Like any dead thing would do.

Just overall super neat behavior and comical to say the least.

Certainly a much more entertaining deterrent than most of the other snakes in my area that just seem to shit themselves and emit disgusting smelling mess in the process.